Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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