TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
how drunk are you?
Several
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
