From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
