I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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