I wish I could punch you in the face.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
