i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would fuck him just for his dog
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