I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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