I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we made out on top of his cat.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm passing your future prison.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just invented taco cereal.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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