If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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