i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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