Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
