Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
