ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
