Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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