never play flip cup with pint glasses
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
