they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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