so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
