Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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