i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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