Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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