Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize