I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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