You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
