my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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