fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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