very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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