at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
