So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
