You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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