I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
