they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
