i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
