Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
