I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
