he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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