my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
