If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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