Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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