The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
