his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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