this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
