Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
