Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
