you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
