Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
two words...techno handjob
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
