Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
