Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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