I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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