ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize