i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
