i barfeds in our rink
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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