Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
