At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
