Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize