nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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