This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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