I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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