I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
