i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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