thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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