So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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