i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
