She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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