WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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