just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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