If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
