He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize