DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize