I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
