dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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