just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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