capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
