my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
