I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
