If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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