Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
