Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
