i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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