As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
